Painful fairwell

Tragedy happens everyday all around the world and on Monday May 16, 2011 it was very close to home. Someone very close to my heart made a poor choice that ended his young life. We struggle with so much when trying to deal with a young life being cut short when it just did not have to happen. 

I met Sam a few years ago. When he walked into my home as we are being introduced he said "You look like you could use a hug!" This is just the way he was and Sam was just being Sam. Very fun, silly and most of the time~just goofy. He has touched our lives in a way that I wish he knew while he was still here on earth, and this is part of my struggle. I never got the chance to tell him face to face "Sam, it was so nice to meet you"

To Sam, 

I never got the chance to say

Goodbye

Until that fateful day

You made me cry

You will never know

How much I cared

You were so young and full of life

I was not done with you

You were not done with life

But choices made would end your life

I never got to say goodbye

But May 16^th

^{You made me cry}

Sam, I sure could use a hug right now

Count them....

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my passed. People that for what ever reasons we have are no longer in my "present". Why? is it a disagreement? Was it something that really mattered, or maybe just needed some time to pass. People change and sometimes just move on. But are you really moving on, or are you just holding on to some hurt feeling? How can I truly grow into the person I want to be look at who I was. The truth is, sometimes we hold on because we dont want to say goodbye.I have been on a spiritual growth since I moved here. I took a huge leap of faith knowing that if you pray for something your prayers will always be answered. Its either "yes, no, or not yet". I got the "not yet" for quiet some time, so when I got the YES! I knew I was in for a treat. That treat would be GODS blessing. GOD has truly blessed me in so many ways and he has answered many prayers-I think I may have been ignoring alot of those answers because they were "No"!

 Many things have happened just in the short time I have moved here that may not be considered favorable. This is part of why I think about people in my passed. Every single person is put in our path for a reason. What are they though? Sometimes they are your teacher or your encourager. But, what if, what that person has been to you isn't the real purpose, but what you are to that person.

Time to remember

Times are tough for everyone. I have to remind myself, its not all about me! So many people are without jobs, loved ones, or even a home. The recent 9.0 earthquake in Japan and all of the Tsunami aftermath is a reminder of this. The people in Japan have a very long fight ahead, I pray for peace and mercy for them all.

But as for me, I will sing about your power. Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love. For you have been my refuge, a place of safety when I am in distress. Psalm 58:16

while you were sleeping

After dreaming about Penelope as a puppy and smelling her noggin one more time, I woke up to a very pushy cat and Isaiah wagging and snorting by my bed. It seams as though (at least for today) he may pick up the task of alarm clock duty.  As the morning progress’s I notice Isaiah is a bit whiny. Just stands and stares at me and whimpers….he looks particularly sad today! We know dogs share the same emotions we humans do. They express happiness when they see someone they recognize;  they jump for joy when they get a yummy treat (I have been known to get very excited myself over a cookie!), they show dislike for things they don’t understand~like the giant photograph of a man hanging out of the plumbers truck! We even know they dream. I have watched penny yip, run, growl and wag her tail dozens of times while dreaming. So I wonder about my little boy in mourning….is he dreaming about our sweet Penelope at night too? Is he wondering why I haven’t brought her back to him?

Oh how I loved her!

A few weeks ago I learned my beloved Flat Retriever Penelope was very sick. She had an enlarged heart and spleen. There were options of surgery, but could I put her threw all of that was my concern. She recently had some eye surgery and the incision itself took a long time to heal. Even if she had the surgery, there are no guarantees it would be a success. So I chose to take her home and just love her and enjoy every day I could with her.  A couple days of rest and she seemed to be back to almost normal, other than not going on our long Washington walks she was silly, loving and very playful. Saturday morning this would change. When I woke to my cat nudging me instead of Penolope wagging I knew something was wrong. Penny had taken a turn for the worse and my confidence of her being ‘just fine’ was shattered. As the morning progressed she had a very long seizure. I knew this was it. I had to make the decision today to not be selfish and let her go…say good bye to my loyal beautiful Penelope that has come to be known as ‘Princess’ for her stature :o) So many feelings come out when you suffer the loss of a pet. For me, one was betrayal. Did I do enough? Did I treat her with the loyalty that she gave me for all of those years? I never had to teach her any commands. From the time she was a pup it was like she just understood everything from sit, lay, rollover and back up! Stay, was a little tricky, unless of course she was next to me~the devotion! Penny has had to protect me on more than one occasion from other dogs and many times snuggled my tears away when I was hurting by tucking her nose in or leaning her head strongly against my chest. A penny hug I would call it! Now it’s just me and Isaiah, my very sensitive 4 year old Boxer that tucks his tail in and sneaks off to the other room if I cry.

Hello there full moon!

This morning I woke to a beautiful bright full moon shining in my kitchen window. Fumbling around making my coffee, so sleepy eyed, this was like a happy smile to me. Instantly I felt cheery!

Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his presence continually

1 Chronicles 16:11

This is the day that the Lord made; rejoice and be glad in it psalm 118:24

When we were at the dog park people would ask, "How old is she?" this is a common question, just like people asking about your kids! Penny was so happy, bright and spunky! My eleven year old pup! Even the last few weeks she would still want to play and would steal Isaiah's toys...mostly, because she didn't want him playing with ME!